chronicle 60
this was the first tym in my entire lyf that i was so eager to go home just to find the solace of my blog… im pathetic. i really am pathetic. i wanted to cry.. i want to rant.. i want to talk to sum1 who would understand me.. or even s/he cant.. i dont care.. i just needed sum1 to talk to.. anyone.. but i couldnt find anyone.. im lost. im alone. can i disapppear?
this evntually.. was the worst of all the worst days. im guilty, i had just received a word that totally wrecked myself, and a stupid man caused my toefingers to bleed.. wow… very much like daniel powter’s song bad day.. this noon.. u know wat i repeatedly told myself.. that i am invincible.. no one can break me down, im not crying, im not gonna runaway, i have to pretend that i dont feel anything, force a smile, c’mon.. u shouldnt be affected.. or they will laugh at u, or worst pity you.. no i dont wanna be pitied. no matter how much it hurts… i cant breakdown.. i cant.. u know wat, i want to cry now.. but no.. i cant risk the fact that my parents or my lil sis would see me… they would ask of course why?… and i dont have a plausible reason, why i am crying.. bcoz in the 1st place i dont have the ryt to cry, or feel anything for that matter.. i should just be happy for him ryt? ryt! thats ryt. be happy for him. can i cry now? no i cant. bcoz theres no one i could cry to. they would always say they would be there when u need them.. now that i am in so much need.. y arent they there?.. how much could i really take.. im feel like dying inside. why didnt u tell me? why did i have to find it out myself? WHY? u wretched… u are such pompous liar.. how could a person like u hurt me so much… y do i have to feel this awful, heartbreaking, terrible pain?.. help me please.. im hurting so much. and i dont have anyone to run to.. i never felt so much hurt b4.. it really hurts… oh god.. pls help me…
“I’m going to smile and make you think I’m happy, I’m going to laugh, so you don’t see me cry, I’m going to let you go in style, and even if it kills me- I’m going to smile”
