chronicle 57
here i go again… how much does it cost to fly away from here? away from all the troubles, heartaches, pressures and expectations im facing? maybe a million aint enough. perhaps, money cant take those away either. but perhaps it is i, hu should face them and find a resolution, thus finding my own happiness. i told u i had awoken from my happy-ever-after fantasy, but ive never expected reality to hit me directly on my face. sheessh.. shocking… ouch…
ive joined evry committee, every activity just to numb myself. but i guess it aint working. maybe it does, just for an hour or so, but the moment im alone again, like now, sadness & sorrow creep towards me. i feel like a lifeless soul, a body living everyday w/o a purpose. im not happy neither unhappy. i feel so empty. ive joined in, just to assure myself that in some part of this world, i am needed and that i am not a useless entity just as i view myself. another reason might be, to numb myself. yes. been working so hard for that to happen. but it just wont happen. i wish i couldnt feel anything. but i guess this is curse of those who are born under the sign of the scorpion. insensitivity yet sensitive, jealousy, and with controlling and strong emotions. now im blaming the stars. pathetic. who do u think will i blame next for my ineptitude to control my own life? this is certainly absurd. but then, everything thats been happening now is too ridiculous, for me to comprehend. and now my harebrained self is now on the verge of losing her bestfriend.. ok.. dang it.. i think ive been losing too many people.. this is a disease.. and its eating me…
“Life must go on;
I forgot just why.”
