Daily Dose of Pumpkin

had a fight with my mom today. i dunno how it started. cant even remember, but i do know it has sumthing to do with noodles and/or pancit canton. pretty shallow, huh?

mom and dad had a shouting fight last wednesday and until now they havent made up. maybe thats the reason why i feel so grumpy and irritated. i dont even feel like talking to anyone nor hanging out bcoz i know nothing can cheer me up. ive tried acting cheerful. ive tried to smile and laugh at them. ive tried to convince myself that its part of a relationship to fight sumtyms. but whats sad about it, that sumtyms is never sumtyms but oftentimes. i hate it. i hate whats happening with my family. i dont even feel like i belong in this family. i hate it that i cant do anything about it, but watch it as it slowly crumbles. nonetheless. i have convinced myself a long time ago, that i dont care if this family falls into pieces, i gave up on it a long time ago. i wish i had truly conviced myself.

i feel like hating myself ryt now. bcoz i am so stupid. so impulsive. i dont even think before i say sumthing or act. i never thought what wud happen if i say this or do that. that’s why mom and me fought. but now, i know the reason why, i had argued with her today. its because she constantly blames dad and calling him names, that he was a cheat, a liar, and worst a thief. i hate it. bcoz i love my dad. i love the both of them. and i wud really hate it if sum1 talks bad about them. maybe thats why. it has been 2 days that ive heard over and over again those accusations made by my mom. and what sucks most, is that i know my dad is innocent. he wud never do that. there’s no reason for him to do it. i cant believe this. adults are really so selfish. they just care about themselves. not even thinking of what others may feel, if others are hurting. they continue with their dull monologues as if we couldnt hear it. and it pains me to hear those words as they destroy each other. as they destroy the family i have known.

41st post at last.. pagod.. parang sobrang adik ng family ko esp my mom s shopping.. we went home aroung 12:30am na.. and all we did was shop and shop for clothes.. ubos n pera m.. energy ubos n rn at isama n rn natin n pati cellphone credits ko ubos na. haha panu kaya ako bbati s xmas?

been so kikay l8ly.. kc nmn ngsama n nmn kme ni kikay friend irish. we’re not really kikays we just love the fun of buying kikay stuffs. like b4 we bought compact powders and the a handy blush paste. and yesterday, we were at the supermarket w/ a trolley and a basket like we are really going to shop numerous things, but the fact is that we didnt. like i said or in this case typed previously we just love the fun of buying and shopping… yesterday, uhm irish bought an intensive lotion [thats for dry skin, coz CIP had sucked all her skin's moist] and a facial moisturizer [same reason]. and i bought st. ives eye  & face stress gel [ok for my puffy eyes coz i am soooo looking like garfield now] and also a facial moisturizer. >",< and on the 30th were planning to have our hair treated at fix salon again.. i wish my hair would grow faster.. i want to have cold wave.. hahaha maybe if we have our grad ball on april.. hopefully my hair would be longer then and i could get it cold waved.. yay!! >:)

aside from the ka-kikay-an stuffs we bought.. i also bought a super cute tissue holder. wanna have a look?… :=) w8 il take a pic of it.. …………………………. click……….. editing…….. roasting…uploading…waiting.. roasting.. *ding*…

yay! hope the tag link works.. isnt he the cutest? background.. left was yoji bought it during 2nd yr college.. next hegdy [he's a hedgehog] bought him this year.. last dream bunny [no gender] from jayjay as xmas gft.. >",<

re-edit post.. friendster blog doesnt work with html tags… *sigh*

ur wondering where’s the tissue hole…. well its behind him.. hahaha

haaaaaaaaayyyy… after 10 years, nakapag3-way kme ule nila fafa lan at kaiju honou [chris].. my 2 best boy buds.. grbe sobrang namiss ko un. kc mejo ngkatampuhan nga kame ni kuya chris nun dahil s isang girl.. i wont elaborate on it. kc its no use ang mahalaga we’re back. the old friendship is back. ung closeness ule bumalik na. and im really happy about it.

me and kuya chris talked for about an hour. xmpre. im glad n khit ppnu khit puro defense mech n xa at least he’s trying to move on. di ko alam bkit ako maxado apektado ngaun s mga tao s paligid ko. from my family to the person who is 100 meters away from me, pakiramdam ko narramdaman ko ung mga hinanakit nla s buhay. n once i look at them, i feel their sorrow and pain. weird nga e.. pero i think im getting used to it. reading ppls mind and emotions. eerie… 

pero from all the watching and observing ive been doing, so far, one things true, everyone is hiding themselves, their true selves. haay… alam nio bang 4am n ko na2log knina.. kc telebabad nga kme nila fafa lan & kuya chris.. hekhek =)

haaay……….. ule…

di ko alam kung 22o o hindi, pero cguro nga… dunno how to explain this.. but certified crush ko nga xa sbi nla. kc ive been experiencing some very unstable emotions.. like pg nkita m xa or pag andyan u feel happy.. and at the same time im sad.. labo noh.. sbi ni kuya chris, kaya dw gnun masaya dw ako kc nga andun xa at the same time sad kc evn if i wanted to tell him that im really happy bcoz he was there i cant.. kya un ang ngppa-sad sakin the fact n di ko masabi s knya that i am happy ryt now and it was bcoz of u. labo.. hanggang ngaun, nttkot p rn ako. kc ayw ko ng ganun..how come such a person as him has such a great impact in my life.. takot…

pero ang sbi ni kuya chris, parang gnagamit lng daw ako. and yah. parang nafefeel ko rn un e. even my bestie told me that. and it sucks. i refused to believe it. khit cnsbi ng utak ko engot tlg ako at ngppagamit n nmn. n once di nia n ko kelangan he’ll drop me dead. pero mei katiting prin kcng ngssbi n.. no he’s not. n hindi xa ganun. n he’s sum1 i can trust. n hnd xa ka2lad ng iba. pero ano ba.. it sucks. ilang beses n ba xang ngpaasa, ngsbi, ngpramis.. ni isa wla xa tinupad. w8 cguro merong isa. haay… i have to stop. parang paulit-ulit ko nlng cnsbi s sarili ko yan ha. but i REALLY hve to… #1 new years resoln yan. ang sbi nla pag nsa CIP n dw ako.. sure dw mwwala n feelings ko s knya. sana nga. pero part of me disagrees, refuses to let go of those feelings. bkit? di ko rn alam..

haay… napaka-pakialamera ko tlga.. pero maybe u wud too, pg nkkita mong nsasaktan ang kaibgan m.. but i tried to protect him ryt..i tried to stop him b4.. pero d nmn xa nakinig.. instead nagkatampuhan p kme.. and now.. i was ryt. aminin man nia o hnd.. my instincts were correct. pero instead na asarin at ibully ko p xa.. grbe.. pati ako nalungkot just seeing him lyk dat… and i hate the girl who made him like dat.. oo. apektado ako. kc mahal ko ung taong cnaktan nia. i mean i love him as a brother and a friend ha.. not romantic love. kaya pg nkikita ko xang nsasaktan pkiramdam ko, ako rn nssaktan.

wla akong magawa… if only i had the guts or should i say kung wla lng akong moral n tao, cguro i had hit that girl. asar tlg e. sa harapan p ng friend ko… grbe mkipgflirt. and that makes my friend sad, bcoz he admitted to me n nssktan nga xa bcoz he really love her.. but she didnt w8 for him.. eh ang gs2 lng nmn ng friend ko mgkakilala p cla ng mas mabuti.. pero ayun kumekerengkeng s harap nmin. that bitch i really hate her. dont let me sting u, im telling u’l regret it. stop hurting him and pls stop being such a flirt!

"………….and so my dream continues …………………………………………………………….
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i wish i could wake up in the middle of it……………………………………………………………
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here i go again. *sings* coz its u and me and all of the ppl…

haay… i was doing fine for two days.. i thought i was fine, i thought every part of my life is under my control.. but no.. i was totally wrong. u just have to stormed in again in my life and my oh so wonderful and ought to be perfect life is destroyed. all the suppression ive made for the past 2 days were all for naught.

if i had known that what happened yesterday will be happening, i shouldnt have come.. wrong move..

ang bilis ng pintig ng puso ko. hnd ko alam kung dahil b s :

a. inlove daw ako
b. wla lng.. sintomas n nmn ng kkaibang mga sakit ko kaya e2 nagpa-palpitate & tachycardia
c. ngugutom ako [pero hnd nmn]
d. kinakabahan ako dhil long exam bukas
e. gs2 ko mgkaroon ng dahilan para hnd mg-aral
f. excited ako bukas? [khit walng dhilan?]
g. dhil s tingin ko mapapanood ko n ang just lyk heaven bukas?
h. dahil naiinis ako
i. dahil namimiss ko n xa
j. haay, cguro nga namimiss ko lng xa at dahil naaalala ko xa ngaun kya ang tina-tachycardia n ako

………………. cge n.. tama n ang procrastination.. madame p ako bbasahin e..

am i dat intimidating?.. back back back.. flashback.. a guy told me b4 that i can be soooo intimidating sumtyms esp when i try to rationalize and use my wit in everything that he says. a real knock down.

yah. i admit it. i simply am lyk dat. that wasnt simplicity, ryt? but i am trying my best efforts not to intimid8 ppl, i even act s2pid or sumtyms act like i dunno anything. coz yah i know. ryt. guys h8 it when a girl thinks or acts in a way that she’s the smarter and wittier…. but having to hide my wit and intellect, doesnt that insult them more? i hate hurting ppl’s pride. that’s why im really sorry to those ppl i hve intimidated in the past and also to the ppl i may intimid8 in the future. that’s why i wanna marry a lawyer, bcoz i know he’ll be able to reason with me.. i know he’ll turn out as the victor, bcoz lawyers are a bunch of smart, intellectual, and wise ppl.

argH! okkkkk… im sorry. i apologize. i beg for ur forgiveness. i may not say that to you in person, coz my stupid pride wouldnt let me.. and i will be really embarrassed if i do that in front of u, that s why if u ever had the chance to read this… pls.. im really sorry. i do care a lot for you thats why i wanna let u know that i dont want this intimidation thing be a gap for us. for our friendship. sooooo….. sorry…