Daily Dose of Pumpkin

this is the end. oh well, this blog from now on is officially closed. sign by me. hahaha very toddler-like. not kidding though…. u can still hear or should i say update from me by clicking this site:

GRAVITATION469   

addiction!!!

badly needed anime series: FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST!!!

nkkainis ang bagal ng torrent ko.. mgseed kau pls… -_-

hay.. bket p kc ako ngcheck ng friendster e.. e2 tuloy.. ngblo-blog n nmn ako..

hay, kwn2 kwn2 muna… suppossedly kahapon, irish and i are having a movie marathon, since our luck ran out last wednesday… pero ung dog niyang c fluffy nanganak, so it was cancelled. speaking of wednesday.. worst luck sobra. para kaming ng-amazing race, ewan ko b,, mei hang-over p ata kme dun s last episode of amazin race season 9 last week [w/c of course, our bet, the HIPPIES won the 1-million dollar prize].. so ayun nga.. we met at robinson’s mla para manood ng the da vinci’s code… however, wla na pla, pinalitan n ng xmen3.. argh! so we went to the a net cafe.. tpos we found out that both g1, g4 & powerplant malls are showing da vinci.. so madali kme.. hay, pero we’re 25-mins late s powerplant.. so sayang nmn, ang mahal n nga tpos d p nmin naumpisahan.. so we decided to go for g4.. wee.. abot! but nung nsa counter n kme.. sbi nung ticket lady kelangan ng document to prove that we really are 18-yr olds & above.. wow! ayaw mniwala n college grads n kme.. c irish mei voters id.. but me wala.. so much for all the trouble 6pm n nun.. di p kme nglalunch.. stupid da vinci code.. stupid theaters..stupid me to forget my stupid cedula.. asar tlga..  so postponed ang aming panonood ng mi3 & da vinci till next week.. sna meron pa..

and the rest below is censored.. hehehe read at ur own risk.. [ngyek!o_O;;]

what has happened? di ko n rn alam e.. bsta ang alam ko, on that faithful nyt, i found myself writing a letter, pouring everything i wanted to say there.. but where’s that letter now. stuck in the file case… coward ako e.. or maybe i just thought n sobrang impulsive nung letter n un… pero alam m b4 i did that, i first read all ur letters and i figured out.. how stupid really i was… i drove my bestfriend away… coz of usual reasons: i dunno how to trust ppl, ive got a big green monster inside me, and i really am selfish [ang popular m kc e.. friendly-friendly]…. kc alam m dun s letters m,.. lagi  n lng ikaw ung ngco-console sakin.. pero sobrang nkapagpaiyak sakin ung drawing m ng duck.. kc alam ko hnd k ngdro-drawing e.. [maliban s mga symbolic images/signs] tpos.. u there.. doing everything para lng mapasaya ako.. hay.. ang sama-sama ko nga nun e.. di b ngtampo p ako sau nun.. pero alam m b.. lagi m cnsbi sakin s mga letters m.. n parang iniiwan kita.. 22o b un? kc ako nrramdaman ko dn nmn un e? n parang iniiwan m ko..

i am doing fine.. pero it really did hurt me nung nbasa ko, uve denied the existence of bestfriends. cguro ako rn nmn kung ako ung nsa posisyon m, maybe di n rn ako maniniwala s knila n ng-eexist cla… after b nmn ung s HS story m at nging kaibgan m p ko. sa totoo lng, nung mga unang araw sabi ko pg tinatanong nla ako, bkit d kayo ng-uusap ng bff m? ssbhn ko cnung bff ko? and then i would laugh it off. well, in fact.. nun p lng kkbalik nio gs2 n kita kausapin. pero sbi ko nga sau d b, duwag ako.. and besides, bka ireject m ule, like nung una n tau ngkaalitan, u told me there was nothing to talk about.. although para sakin there was a big deal to talk about.. pero xmpre di n kita pinilit, nhhiya dn nmn kc ako e.. ngmukha n nga akong tanga dun s bgay ko sayo, kc parang nireject m rn ung idea n un, tpos nireject m p ule ung tangka kong pkkipgusap.. eh nhiya n ko sayo.. hay, ang gulo.. pero u know what.. khit mgkagalit tau, tawag ko p rn sau bestie.. di ko nga alam bket e..cguro sanay n lng akong gnun.. haha.. haay..  nhihirapan nga ako pg nkikita kita e.. alam m ung feeling n gs2ng-gs2 m kausapin ang isang tao, pero alam m n irereject k dn lng nmn nia, so why waste my effort?.. nku, s totoo lng kung mei mga alipores lng ako, pnakidnap n kita, para lng makausap kita.. not to console our friendship.. or rebuild it.. but to strengthen it.. hay, pero parang imposible n ata.. mxado ng malaki ung gap.. feel ko ngumpisa p toh nung ky balong e.. [but im glad OK kayo! nakz!! mei lovelife n xa.. if i cud only meet him again... babatukan ko xa tpos tsaka ako mg-aapologize for all the selfish thoughts and words n cnbi ko tungkol s knya.. pero thats fantasy.. d n ata mngyayari un].. un nga kc since nun, parang nging cold k n towards sakin e.. pero gnun tlga.. u like the person, and i insulted him [cguro ung taong d m p inaasahan n mgsabi ng mga gnun].. at ksalanan ko tlga… or baka paranoid lng tlga ako.. kelangan n ata mgpa-psych ward ako e..

sa totoo lng, i cnt imagine my life w/o my bestfriend… at s totoo lng ang haba n nito.. ang vague ng future.. nsbi ko nga ky irish nung isang araw, di ko ma-picture out ung sarili ko working as a nurse.. imagine b nmn… halos lahat ng plans ntin.. mgkasama tau e.. share an apartment [pg nsa abroad n], overseas trip, learning foreign language, practicing in the same hosp, taking board exams & passing it.. grbe.. pati broadway db? haay..kya cguro gnun.. nllabuan ako.. kc di ko alam panu n.. mgging hermit n nmn ako.. alone.. eh pagod n akong mgisa.. pero gnun tlga.. it was my fault.. i drove u out of my life.. the only bestfriend i had, the only companion i had. haay.. ang cheezy noh… ayaw n nga.. nku.. bka lalong hnd n kita mtgnan eye-to-eye.. s sobrang embarrassment.. and tulad nga ng cnbi ko sau dati… im happy nkilla kita.. much more than happy.. life changing e.. ur the one who allowed me to rediscover my passion for reading books, supported me s mga kalokohan, ka-ek-ekan, ka-cornihan ko, helped me through my direst problems.. at ikw lng ang taong kaya kong tawagan ng humihikbi p, pgtapos akong pgalitan ng mom or dad ko.. hehehe haaaaaaaay……… thank you for all the memories.. grbe andmi nun.. pero unforgettable tlga ung graduation.. we’re like barefoor princesses..  and maybe fare well.. aah di ko n alam.. . btw, buti nmn at pinaparamdam m n ang 22o mong nrrmdaman ky balong.. s mga tao.. =D Goodluck s board.. kaw p.. talino m e.. yakang-yaka m yan..  ……………………………………………………………………………
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so thats it! grbe! happy pla ako nnalo c taylor hicks s american idol season 5!!! weee… =D
i dunno what will happen after this..  but thats life/// il just work it out..

HOOOORRRRAAAY!!! for the HIPPIES!!!

yeah!! gotta love BJ & Tyler.. they’re really great. amazing. fun loving ppl!!!!

BOOOOOO to MOJO & FRAT BOYS.. *beeeh!!*

Vitamin C
Graduation

As we go on
We remember
All the times we
Had together
And as our lives change
Come whatever
We will still be
Friends forever

and so we had our graduation today, APRIL 22, 2006 held at the Tanghalang Bayan, PLM field. it was fun… i didnt cry. hahaha =D but thinking now… that after that moment, all of us will be, well on our own different tracks.. it seems sad, that after 4 years of hardships & friendship, it will be just another farewell in life…. *sad*. i wish that after this day.. i can do it on my own…

Thanks to all, to God, to my family, to my friends and to the CN family. guys, u rock =D

i dunno what im doing again.. but im really happy ryt now. i dunno why., but i have this happy feeling inside of me.. and i wanna shout it out to the entire internet community if not to the whole universe that im feeling tremendously happy. maybe, bcoz my family is at my side now. im ok w/ my friends. im ok w/ God.. and wow.. ive just realized im such a lucky, happy girl… and a foolish one to not be contented of what i have.

lets just say, after the depression state.. here i am. i came through… maybe i just needed to know, how miserable & wonderful life is. how u can survive it, no, not survive.. but how u become aware of life, is just enjoy it.. dont be downed by what others’ opinions… just stay healthy. fit. and charming. and smile…. =D and value your life as u value ur family, friends & opinion of urself. =D

we had our 1st day of review today. i think it was still to soon to start reviewing. we’ll be taking our nurses’ licensure exam in december… ok? and i havent even felt a graduate student was supposed to feel, even summer break cant have rest.. toxic life. for an hour or two, im concentrated with the review, but after our lunch, ifelt really sleepy.. and so i slept. *s0bs* whats happening to me?.. hehehe

i was told that running away from my problems is becoming a hobby of mine… hehe.. but what im supposed to do? face them. face him. i cant. il breakdown…i really am a coward. and i admit it. but maybe they’re right. i have to face it, i cant possibly run away forever, its not ryt. ok, by and by, il face him. and ive already started. but facing him, and seeing him.. i cant do that. its too soon. i know i cant do it. im still very much affected by him.

“Anger is a symptom, a way of cloaking and expressing feelings too awful to experience directly - hurt, bitterness, grief, and, most of all, fear”

pinning has already passed, but i still cant get the feeling of a girl who had clinically graduated. maybe bcoz of the cases i still need to complete, or may be im just being insensitive again, but im not the only one whos got that feeling.. almost all of us are feeling that way, some way or another.

read my shout out? yah. i think im feeling ok now. my bestfriend and i are back to being the way we are. im starting to move on. but he still grips me. and hate it. if i could only tell him, to stay away from me, to not txt me anymore, to be out of my way, to not talk to me, and just forget about me. coz thats what im doing, and i cant possibly do that if he cant feel that i wanted to get away from his grasp. but what plausible reason should i tell him, if ever he asked me why he needed to stay away? bcoz im such an honest girl, i wud tell him the truth of course. hahaha. =D dream on, like i wud really do that. telling him, to stay away bcoz he’s hurting me so much, would sever my already splintered ego/pride. and i cant allow that. u already had hurt me so much, my feelings were tattered bcoz of u, my emotions were unstable for a whole week, and now ur gonna crashed my pride as well.. no way. i cant save my emotions and my heart before, bcoz my feelings for u were stronger than my mind.. but now that im thinking properly again.. i know i can save at least my pride. and im telling u.. i will be ok but i would probably hate u, and maybe sumday i could avenge myself against u… hahaha. i really hate u… i wud be ok. i will be happy. i will not cry again bcoz of u.. u.. u loathsome fool.

“When we come into the present, we begin to feel the life around us again, but we also encounter whatever we have been avoiding. We must have the courage to face whatever is present / our pain, our desires, our grief, our loss, our secret hopes our love / everything that moves us most deeply.”

Just the result of some rand0m quiz/test i took.. =D

Green

You’re green, the color of growth and vigor. Good-hearted and giving, you have a knack for finding and bringing out the best in people. Green is the most down-to-earth color in the spectrum — reliable and trustworthy. People know they can count on you to be around in times of need, since your concern for people is genuine and sincere. You take pride in being a good friend. For you, success is measured in terms of personal achievement and growth, not by status or position. Rare as emeralds, greens are wonderful, natural people. It truly is your color!

this was the first tym in my entire lyf that i was so eager to go home just to find the solace of my blog… im pathetic. i really am pathetic. i wanted to cry.. i want to rant.. i want to talk to sum1 who would understand me.. or even s/he cant.. i dont care.. i just needed sum1 to talk to.. anyone.. but i couldnt find anyone.. im lost. im alone. can i disapppear?

this evntually.. was the worst of all the worst days. im guilty, i had just received a word that totally wrecked myself, and a stupid man caused my toefingers to bleed.. wow… very much like daniel powter’s song bad day.. this noon.. u know wat i repeatedly told myself.. that i am invincible.. no one can break me down, im not crying, im not gonna runaway, i have to pretend that i dont feel anything, force a smile, c’mon.. u shouldnt be affected.. or they will laugh at u, or worst pity you.. no i dont wanna be pitied. no matter how much it hurts… i cant breakdown.. i cant.. u know wat, i want to cry now.. but no.. i cant risk the fact that my parents or my lil sis would see me… they would ask of course why?… and i dont have a plausible reason, why i am crying.. bcoz in the 1st place i dont have the ryt to cry, or feel anything for that matter.. i should just be happy for him ryt?  ryt! thats ryt. be happy for him. can i cry now? no i cant. bcoz theres no one i could cry to. they would always say they would be there when u need them.. now that i am in so much need.. y arent they there?.. how much could i really take.. im feel like dying inside. why didnt u tell me? why did i have to find it out myself? WHY? u wretched… u are such pompous liar.. how could a person like u hurt me so much… y do i have to feel this awful, heartbreaking, terrible pain?..   help me please.. im hurting so much. and i dont have anyone to run to.. i never felt so much hurt b4.. it really hurts… oh god.. pls help  me…

“I’m going to smile and make you think I’m happy, I’m going to laugh, so you don’t see me cry, I’m going to let you go in style, and even if it kills me- I’m going to smile”